Let us talk about yesterday’s World Cup match between Mexico and South Africa. A 2-0 defeat for the South Africans, punctuated by not one, not two, but three red cards. It was a masterclass in self-destruction, a tactical meltdown so profound it could have been written by a Team Leader trying to justify a zero-disbursement quarter. But the real spectacle wasn’t on the pitch; it was in the digital stands, where the rest of Africa was watching with the kind of unapologetic, popcorn-eating glee usually reserved for watching a rival slip on a banana peel.
You see, my dear friends, the rest of Africa is not mourning South Africa’s early loss. They are celebrating it. And to understand why Nigerians, Ghanaians, and Zimbabweans are currently popping champagne and sending memes into the stratosphere, one must understand the rather bizarre socio-economic theater that has been playing out in South Africa for the past few months/years. We are talking about a nation that decided (a decision made by a few) the solution to its unemployment crisis was to chase away the very people keeping its informal economy alive. It is a logical framework so flawed it would make a first-year monitoring and evaluation specialist weep.
The narrative, pushed by a loud and remarkably uneducated faction of the population, was that the foreigners were the root of all evil. The Nigerians were selling drugs, the Ghanaians were hoarding the jobs, and the Zimbabweans were just taking up too much space in the queue for bread. So, what did they do? Did they petition the government for better economic policies? Did they advocate for skills development or institutional reform? No. They resorted to the time-honored tradition of throwing bricks through shop windows, looting the very businesses they claimed were stealing their livelihoods, and driving the owners out of the country. It is the economic equivalent of burning down your house to get rid of a mouse, only to realize you are now standing in the ashes wondering where you are going to sleep.
And now, the punchline to this tragicomedy has arrived. The evacuation fleets are in the air. Ghana has sent planes. Nigeria is sending planes. Zimbabwe is loading up the cargo holds. We are witnessing the world’s most expensive, most humiliating reverse migration. The “foreigners” are going home, taking their entrepreneurial spirit, their customer base, and their sheer will to hustle with them. Which brings me to the most deliciously ironic question of our time: Now that the immigrants are gone, where exactly are the jobs?
Did the jobs magically materialize in the pockets of the young men who were busy chanting slogans outside a spaza shop? Did the local economy suddenly boom because a Nigerian man named Chidi is no longer selling car parts in Johannesburg? We can only hope that the jobless South Africans who spent their weekends looting foreign-owned supermarkets have now miraculously found employment in the empty, looted shells of those very same supermarkets. Because if they haven’t, then the universe has a very dark, very specific sense of humor.
This is why the saying “don’t underestimate the congregation of foolishness” rings so incredibly true. The actions of a foolish, violent few have managed to label an entire, beautiful, and historically significant nation as the xenophobic pariah of the continent. In a democracy, you curb crime with intelligence, with policy, and with the rule of law. You do not curb it with a machete and a viral video. You do not protect jobs by destroying the very ecosystem that creates them.
South Africa took two of the three red cards on the football pitch yesterday, but they have been sending their reputation off the field for months. And just like in football, when you play with ten men, and then nine, and then eight, eventually, you are going to lose. The rest of Africa is simply sitting in the stands, eating their popcorn, and waiting for the final whistle.
With tactical admiration for Mexico and profound amusement at the universe’s sense of justice,
